One Year Down...

Wow. I'm officially done with my first year of college, and I couldn't be happier. For most, no one really knew how hard and stressful this year was for me. Not only transitioning was difficult in the beginning, but everything in between. I've been through hell and back in one year, and I don't even know where to begin. This year seemed like it was a plot pulled out of a CRAZY, downright mangled movie. For those who know the details, I know you would agree, but for those of you who don't...you could only imagine. But, besides the bad, I did have a few good memories in there, including learning a lot about myself. 

I learned I can stick up for myself, and be my own individual. I learned that I am A LOT stronger than I thought I was. I learned that I am worth more than the way people make me feel. I learned that no matter how bad things seem, there is always a fresh start coming the next day.

 Now, two years ago, or even one year ago...If you were to ask me to admit these things, I would NEVER ever be able to. I was a flat out mess...and I will be the first to admit that. I was an anxiety driven mess. I let that downgrade who I was as a person. I let that change who I once used to be. I became the person who was scared of everything. I never smiled or laughed. I was a sad, anxious mess. I shut down, and became a literally potato. And, honestly, if you were to tell me 1-2 years ago, that I would be successfully finishing my first year of college, I wouldn't believe you. I never thought I would make it this far. Somedays, I didn't even see tomorrow. But, that's what anxiety does to you.

 I was always ashamed of it, always hiding it from others. But, this year has made me realize that it's not something to be ashamed of, it's something to be proud of. Yeah, I might have anxiety and its whole "posse", but guess what...I've overcome a lot of what's it thrown at me. And, guess what...I'm still here with a heartbeat. And, that is the most important thing. 

People who knew me, like truly knew me the last few years knew the battles I was facing and how at times I won, and sometimes I really really lost, but somehow, some crazy part of me found every ounce of courage and kept going. And, I couldn't be more grateful that I found that ounce of courage. Because without it, I wouldn't be here today sticking up for myself to people, and being so strong. 

This year has been absolutely crazy. Yeah, every single day I wish for a redo, but I know that won't happen. I just have to embrace what has happened, and move on from there. Move on from my action movie plot of a year, and only hope next year brings a boring documentary. Yeah, that would be nice. Really really nice. 

But, for now...HELLLLLOOOO SUMMMMER!